What We'll Never Have
by i-love-svu
Summary: Julie and Kirsten slash ahead! Don't read if it's not your thing. Rated M just to be safe.


**Author's Note: I finally broke down and wrote a slash between Julie and Kirsten. I feel awful. XD

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Kirsten smiled as she gave Julie a firm hug. Lately the two had been inseparable and that night wasn't any different. It was the fourth night in a row that they had spent together, just talking about anything and everything until it was after midnight. Midnight was always sort of like their alarm clock, alerting them when it was time to go home. When it finally rolled around, they would say their goodbyes and go to their own houses. Then they would wake up the next day, go to work together, and repeat the whole thing over again. Kirsten was thankful that she had a friend like Julie; someone who didn't judge her or expect her to be perfect all of the time.

Julie, who also had a grin on her face, was happy to see Kirsten in such a good mood. Usually their nights were spent complaining about their husbands (ex-husbands in Julie's case) or talking about things that they couldn't share with anyone else. But at the same time, she was upset with herself. Kirsten was her best friend, her only friend in Newport Beach and yet, somehow, Julie had developed an attraction to Kirsten. It wasn't Julie's first time experiencing that sort of thing, but she couldn't really justify falling for her female best friend. All throughout her teenage years, Julie had experimented with things pertaining to her sexuality. During those years the brunette had decided that she most definitely straight. But now, embraced by the woman who was always on her mind, Julie was beginning to doubt that decision.

They separated, both still smiling. Kirsten began to say something but stopped as Julie pulled her closer and did the unthinkable.

She captured Kirsten's lips with her own, and the kiss was fairly innocent. Taking another risk, Julie sought entrance to Kirsten's mouth and almost immediately, the blond granted her permission. Julie was surprised by the fact that Kirsten didn't try to break the kiss. Even more shocking to the brunette, Kirsten locked her arms around Julie's waist as the kiss deepened.

Kirsten was experiencing some level of shock, too. The fact that Julie Cooper was kissing her was one cause of the amazement. Kirsten was even more astonished by the fact that she had yet to try and break contact. The blond was married and she knew that she shouldn't be kissing anyone besides her husband. Especially if that person was a woman, her best friend and co-worker. Kirsten couldn't help it. She had never kissed another woman, and from the feeling of Julie's lips upon her own, the blond wondered why she hadn't ever tried it before.

Entwined with each other, both women couldn't believe that their much-too-passionate kiss was really happening. But things continued to escalate and it became real. Julie's hand started to slowly move up Kirsten's shirt, until her fingers danced across the blonde's ribs. Unsure of how far Kirsten was willing to go, Julie gently teased the blond through the lacy fabric of her bra. As Kirsten moaned and arched into Julie, the brunette felt the excitement building from her core.

Their situation was accelerating quickly, but neither seemed to mind. Julie fumbled with the buttons on Kirsten's shirt until the blond pushed her friend's hands away and opened the buttons herself. Kirsten didn't know why she was so eager for whatever was going to happen to occur. She had never been with a woman, and had no idea what had driven her to comply with the whole thing. The only thing Kirsten was sure of was that everything felt right, although it did make her question herself a little bit. With Julie's hand slowly roaming the blonde's slender figure, the only person who ever made Kirsten feel that way was Sandy. But there was something different about it, somehow Julie made Kirsten feel very special and she had never felt so strongly about wanting something to happen.

"We shouldn't be doing this," Julie whispered. She placed butterfly kisses along Kirsten's collarbone. The blonde's soft whimpers made Julie grin and feel an odd satisfaction. If she could make Kirsten moan like that, it had to be some sort of huge accomplishment. It was in Julie's eyes, anyway. She never expected any sort of contact would be exchanged between the two, more than a hug or brief kiss on the cheek. As her lips gently connecting with Kirsten's, Julie knew that she shouldn't assume things.

The brunette quickly found the most sensitive spot on Kirsten's neck and alternated between kissing and flicking her tongue against the area.

"Julie…" Kirsten groaned. Her voice was low and husky, a tone that Julie had never heard her friend speak in before. Kirsten used her free hand to lift Julie's head and initiated another kiss. It was the blonde's turn to make Julie moan and upon doing so, Kirsten felt her senses go into overdrive.

Julie maneuvered Kirsten until she had pinned her against the large desk. As Kirsten unfastened the buttons on Julie's shirt, bother her mind and heart were racing. She didn't know what the think about what was going on. One part of her was excited and nervous to the point where she almost felt sick. But the other half, the part of her that was telling her to stop right there because she had a husband at home, was quickly being drowned out by low moans and soft kisses. Kirsten couldn't believe how amazing it felt to have Julie's hands upon her skin, the brunette's kisses and how tender she was being.

Pulling back to catch her breath, Julie kept her eyes closed. She was dizzy from the experience, and was afraid that if she opened her eyes the whole thing would turn out to be a dream. Kirsten, sensing that the brunette was tense, placed her hands on Julie's hips to steady her. At the sudden contact, Julie opened her eyes and was slightly confused. She was surprised to find Kirsten conducting things as if she had been in that situation before, even though they both knew that she hadn't.

Looking straight into Julie's green eyes, Kirsten watched her expression with an intensity that seemed to multiply as the seconds passed. The blond slid her hand up Julie's shirt until her fingers were inches away from Julie's breasts. The brunette moaned softly as she arched into Kirsten's touch, wanting, needing to feel more. With her unoccupied arm, Kirsten used it to draw Julie closer to her. There was barely an inch between the two now, but that didn't bother either of them.

Still keeping her eyes locked with the brunette before her, Kirsten grazed Julie's skin through the silk material of her bra. As Julie moaned Kirsten's name, the blond began to feel guilty. She knew it was wrong be having that sort of contact with Julie. What would Sandy say if he ever found out?

With a gasp, Kirsten removed her hand from Julie's shirt and backed away. Julie sat on the edge of the desk, her eyes opening as the warmth of Kirsten's body vanished. She saw her friend biting her lip again and knew right away what was wrong. Although she knew it was more than unacceptable for them to be doing anything like what they had been, Julie instantly missed it. She wanted Kirsten to resume standing in front of her. She wanted to feel the blonde's hands upon her skin.

"Julie…" Kirsten began, allowing her voice to trail off. Julie tried to figure out what Kirsten was thinking. Remorse was etched into her delicate features, and was accompanied by what was Julie knew was a sense of longing.

The brunette held up one hand to stop her friend. "It's okay," Julie quickly said. "I understand."

Kirsten felt a pang of desire in her stomach but willed the feeling to go away. As she began buttoning her shirt to hide her exposed flesh and bra, Kirsten realized that she could still taste Julie, and that didn't help the situation at all.

"I'll be back," The words flew from Kirsten's mouth in a jumble. She rushed out of the office and toward the restrooms, desperate to keep her emotions in check until she was far away from Julie.

As Julie watched Kirsten depart, her lips were still tingling from the intensity of their passion. Although several rooms away from each other, both women felt saddened by the fact that their experience was cut short. They both realized that it was for the better. But Julie and Kirsten couldn't help to feel upset by the loss of the relationship the pair knew they could never have.


End file.
